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I Just Want To Quit
p://www.imeem.com/greglaswell/music/sPjMe9Dn/greg-laswell-your-ghost/">Your Ghost - Greg Laswell
Just to be
in a movie or TV
I'd have given anything
to feel you come
and if nothing else
just hold me...
my tears
fall on
deaf ears
because I
suffer in silence
for fear
that I'll be told
I'm supposed to be
more over your
body growing cold...
though I'd give
anything I had
and borrow some too
just to be
back in the
arms of you...
why can't we be
like we used to be?
why can't you
please
just be here
for a moment
to bring peace
back to me?
I lay awake
in empty beds
running from silence
afraid to be alone
with myself
without you -
what else is there
left for me
to do?
Nothing that
has come after
has even come close
to you -
you were one of
a select few
a poet
that never wrote
but artistic
in every quote
that I attempt to
capture
in every note...
as if
laying down
with your words
will make
your absences
hurt less
or me
not so much
a mess
but you took
my best
and what I got now
is just
what's left...
can't stand to
see him smile
as he walks round
round here
all your mannerisms
and moves
feeling to my brokenheart
ever so vile -
what kind of mother
thinks that
when looking at
her own child?
But last night
like all the ones before
found me there
looking for,
reaching for - you
and you weren't anywhere
and it even hurts
for me to try to care
about anything else
I want you back
for myself...
calling old phones
just wishing it
accidently
made it to heaven
and made it so
I wasn't really
this alone
you just
someplace that
you can't come home
like jail
back in the day -
I'm in my zone
waiting for reality
to have mercy on me
and make this love
I know we had
be something that again
I put my finger on
and say I can see...
but that's not how
things were
meant to be -
is it?
so tell me
what do I do now
with all this shit?
cause I can't stand
to be alone with me
even
anymore
and truth be told
baby -
on trying...
Help Me Out Please
p://www.imeem.com/artists/matt_hires/music/E46L3ose/matt-hires-out-of-the-dark-album-version/">Out Of The Dark (Album Version) - Matt Hires
If even fools can
find their way out
and I am even half as smart
as you say I am
than why can't I
get away from here?
gave it all up
to my Lord
the fear
still am I
stuck in this dark
that hurts me
in blindsiding blows of
little things that send
constant reminders
of his laugh
and his smell
and all the stories
to me he'd lay in bed
and tell
why can't I
find my way back
to the land that is
high?
cause I am out of breath
and these sighs
are but the sounds
of a soul that wants nothing
but him back
but too grounded
in the reality
that this will never be
that he'll come again
once more
to heal
all that's wrong
with me...
so please
help me
I can't find
my smile
and our son's
only makes me cry more
like his mannerisms
and his faith in me
to make all that's wrong
right
I can't
not tonight
seems like even
when I thought I did
I find myself
with a face that's tight
cause I didn't
not quite
only did I
place band-aids
on bleeding moments
in time
but still
the wrongs are there
in our everyday
just as they are
all my rhymes
violent are these days
that replay in my mind
with no peace to find
and of days filled with
their kind
I can't seem to muster
my spirit lacks it's
old familiar luster
I am just
a shell of
what was once her
only you can't see
cause I always did
keep guarded
the real me
but he knew me
and who will
help me?
who will?
who can?
they can't even
understand
much less over
so I don't get there -
I don't get anywhere
and each day
less and less
do I care
can't you see it
telling my truth
in my stare?
help me Lord
I have lost my sword
and come to You
seeking no reward
just a silence
that doesn't cut
down to the bone
and a place
in this world
where I don't feel
so alone
please Father
take me home...
help me
please
please help me
I lost my way
and no longer can I see
why ever You
bothered with me
what You thought
they'd see
and all that is conveyed
in any lines or actions anymore
is more pain
than in which
anyone should ever be
epitomized
in the very existence
of me
please God
help me
won't you please
help me
and what I was
is lost forever
in misery
Something More To Say
I feel myself
growing tired of
telling you what I feel like
things I've seen and
how I came out on the other side
somethin like aight
thinkin like I wanna say
somethin more
somethin about politics
and what I do my show for
why I preach participation
in the process
and faith in something greater
cause we all digress
and gonna find a time
when it's best to press reset
so I say let mistakes be mistakes
be thankful His mercy
never forsakes
and give as much to the universe
as it finds space to take...
I feel me a little
better than when I first
started pressing publish
on various social sites
and had long since faded to black
at all the local open-mics
this me knows I can
pen with a purpose
not just on purpose
cause I like to pen
I'm looking at it like
I never saw it this time
that I'm lookin at it again
this is someplace more
than just a sanctuary to repent
for my sins...
I could choose to
resonate because my journeys
been great
pontificate on hope
and the untimely perfection
of fate
but that's too easy to do
I'd rather if I got the
ear and mind of you
tell you bout what a vote can do
how your country needs you
especially them people
that look like you
and if it seemed confusing before
than allow me to show you the way...
I could keep talking bout my life
or I could show you why he made me his wife
and expand my lexicon opposite of the easy way
and tell you I got something more to say.
Maybe I Do Miss You
Maybe the sound of your voice
does still send shivers down my spine
and make smiles form on my face
even though I'm still mad
at whatever you did the last time
that hurt like hell
but looking at me -
I know you can't tell...
Listening as I laugh
at the bad jokes you tell
over my attempts at good days
just because you can
and it amuses you to do so
and nobody knows like
I know
still do I let this
reaping the seeds
I choose to sow...
Maybe I loved all that was broken
inside your faith that I forgot
to pay attention to what you'd
molded yourself to be anyway
thinking it actually mattered
sometimes what I had to say
that this could have been real
and not just more of the games
that people like us
are prone to play...
That's not to say
I don't get why we not one
still if ever we were
and I am with dude
and you with her
these pictures of reality
I see without a blur
and I'm riding the line
accepting we had our time
and it's nothing if
I still am inspired by you
for a couple lines...
Maybe I do miss you
but that ain't the same
as wanting you back
or to ever again
feel like that
at least this way
the pain is the same tomorrow
as it was today
and yesterday
and not finding new ways
to dig deeper
like the things
you used to say...
so maybe I do miss you
but that's a feeling
I resolved to the notion
is just gonna stay.
Damn Him!
p://www.imeem.com/artists/raheem_devaughn/music/TwyCNs_p/raheem-devaughn-love-drug/">Love Drug - Raheem DeVaughn
Right never tasted this sweet
and he makes wrong sound angelic almost
how his breaths call my name
when he's standing close
but his shadow strangles me
so I choke on the smoke
he blows to keep me
in earshot - the sick don't stop
when I'm away I vomit
at high volumes my values away
in tear stenched pleas
for him to come back
please
on my knees
each time do I find myself
swallowing insecurities
and chasing them down with
unsought after dreams
just trying to keep him
on the team
even if it's only to mock me
as it seems
he is to my veins
well aged cognac
that takes the hands of time
and picks up their slack
and for a change
I love being laid
flat on my back
he riles my senses
in such a way
I remember my own existence
actually striving
to make the most of life
and not just the pretense
he awakened the need in me
and I been chasing it
ever since
this feeling that
felt so good I became
addicted to the high
if his sighs
when we still can't see
eye to eye
but we both tried
is what I tell myself
to go it again
even if my last words
were a lie
you stay gone longer
if I cry
so I stomach why's
ignore what's
and their cuts
across the scars of when
and who
and everything else
that came with this
love for
this need for
this obsession
with you
damn him!
see what this dude
make my pen do?
Clearing Space
I'll never get to
redecorate this room
if in it I still
clutter in corner huddles
the little pieces of you
I've encapsulated
in pieces of my heart
poured onto pages
writing a neverending story
to a love that
ended as soon as it began
and is only ever
everlasting when
I pen it that way
that's got to stop
today.
If ever I expect
to catch happy at
just the right glance
lit by the sun of
the joy that came flowing
in the new morning
I have to lay down to rest
these still shots
of what could have been
and what I wished for
and make some space
for the snapshots
of what is to come
to hang just as
beautifully
as did the lessons
I learned being
reflected by you
the areas I still need
to work on in me
clearly.
So I'm boxing up
tears I didn't shed
but saved to prove I could have
and set them out with the
other little trinkets
I acted as if I couldn't
part with without
losing some more pieces
of me - when really
it was holding on to
that was to blame
for the out of character
things I've recently
been prone to do
and to get out of the funk
I'd have to clean house
accept that he was a lover
not a spouse
and clear the space
on my hearts mantel
of the sketch of
his face...
Debating Dinner
Some how he does it
over and over again
even when I've been
doing my best to steer clear
of him
here he comes
making me
eat my own words
again...
so I sit starving
indignantly refusing
to feel what this feels like
when your reminded in
sharp jabs that
yeah you still love him
like he said you would
I'd eat again
if I could...
and it didn't taste
so much like his scent
that I get choked up
on nostalgia
and forget the past's not
the present
and attempt once more
to repent
back into his good graces
never again to
fall from his favor...
if with this
humble pie spiced with
my own words
there were still
something besides
his memory
left to savor