When first I laid eyes on him,
knew that I'd be his wife in this life
and needed only to sit back and watch as
seconds turned into minutes
that made up our forever for as long
as life was blessed upon his body...
he that could see and love still
all of me
flawed, fucked up, and not always all
that I could be...from that first time
that ever we did meet
I got to come face to face with a man
that loved me from the top of my head
to the bottom of my feet
and all points in between
until the curtain was drawn on our love scene
he stayed down with the team
and his love can be found in
every intention behind everything I
ever said or do that I really mean

In his absence he held me and wiped tears
said that he understood why I wouldn't then
but there is nothing now left to fear
I said I may lose you too
and look what the devil do
before I could say I do
he too was taken
still not a love that I ever knew
to be forsaken
not when he I know how much he
longed to just be near me
even if I didn't see in us what he could see
because the blur of jaded emotions
made me fearful to believe in eternity
he stayed down with me
broken probably all he saw was
everything he thought a woman
is supposed to be
and said so what if this ain't easy
all I ask is that you return the love to me
and that is how we were
until he ceased to be...

2 down and I'm so far beyond numb
I didn't think anything else could make me feel again
much less be moved to say I love you and
it not be in vain
but he came
far from beautiful on the outside
still perfect in spirit
his heart spoke a language that
my soul could comprehend
and I meant it when I said it again
he was nothing like those other 2 men
still he was everything in my heart
that had ever been felt as a result of them
and I am again beautiful and brilliant
not over shadowed by one more than the other
he reminded me of everything sacred to me
from my husband to my mother
but turns out he wasn't meant to be my lover
and he stands in the spot still
as one that I love more than I thought possible
proving that my heart can feel again
is not impossible
and is now still living to show
how friendship can exceed expectations of more
and bless you with more than
ever imagined to be in store
teaching me in his own way - that I can be whole again
and there is nothing to fear anymore...

Opening the door to my belief in him
that combined doesn't come close to anything
like any of the 3 of them
no dopeboy swagga or past run in's with the law
still he might just be the most mesmorizing thing
that this woman ever saw
and the two sides of me can see
us in his arms melting like it's the first time
everytime under the influence of his charm
wanting only to reward him with a son
that embodies all my real talents
polishing the tarnish over everything else
that I may have done
shining through as she that still
could be the one
to show him eternity
if in fact this that I embark on now
is truly what god has in store for me
tell him I love him
for all that he didn't expect me to be
and everything else he took the time to see
and who I am now is the culmination
of the experience of those 3
truly believing inside my heart
that that trinity made it possible
to offer nothing bu the best of me
and I love him like them
and it be but a matter of time
before he too can see
than this may just be destiny
and even if he doesn't feel the same way
I love him for what he too
has taught, proven, and given to me

an image to reflect myself back to me
and the chance to once again see myself
beautifully

Lay my ribs against your lap,
and strum chords on the strings of my heart.
Let the song that comes from your lips be no mishap,
see me behind every word from the time that you start.

Kiss my neck long ways until the keys that tune me,
turn themselves to compliment your song.
Releasing from the sounding hole dreams that should be free,
my skin the fingerboard of skin you run your fingers along.

Play me like your guitar in concert with you,
sing from your heart and watch my purpose shine thru.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not able to be done with just your left or right,
these vibrations that even reach my heel.
Have an instance on being made through the night,
until both of your hands fingering is all that I can feel.

The rhythm tied in place to the timing by the nut,
I am your instrument of destiny awaiting your genius to navigate.
Creating chords with my emotions in sharp cuts,
through the scenes of our memories along the way to the next date.

The body of my work still but a piece of my design,
and these words but a bridge to the tip of the pin.
Me jotting down lyrics as they come in between lines,
rolling along the bridge between what I release and keep within.

Sung to the heavens when laying in your hands,
and played to perfection as though you understand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I'm keepsaking snapshots of notes,
written to the musing of your fingers path.
Bathing my flaws and all in poetic quotes,
sung and played by a master of his craft.

My own anthology of what we worked on together,
volume after volume of peace recorded & played.
Song that's have no end and can be sung forever,
as from the melody of my heart you've never strayed.

From in the protection of your grip,
the most beautiful music does project.
At ease without worry of you letting me slip,
I rest against your chest - yours to protect.

Play me into the night until we meet sunrise,
like a song that ends and begins again with the look in your eyes.

If it's all the same to you baby
do you mind if my energy just lays here
making love to your spirit in the silence
sent bouncing around the room as I
take deep breaths of you into my lungs
only to exhale the joy of finally getting here
to lay in your arms and just be
whatever else the world is doing as it spins
is lost to me and all I can feel is you
so I'm spinning in my own orbit of peace
as a result of your gentle caress
and there any number of truths that I could profess
still I lay silent and still
submitting to your will as I would do
each and every day for you
cause it comes that naturally to me
and I don't need words to know that this is
or what I think it could be
so no this silence doesn't bother me
doesn't bother me at all
because even when your lips are motionless
I can still hear your hearts call
and these days I swear it's been sounding like
it's been calling my name
and it's only when we lay quiet like this
do you seem to notice that mine is also
saying the same...

Even though with my way with words
i could very easily sketch you the
outline to a lifetime
but that just so happens to be my craft
and it's not for the role of inspiration
you could be...I'm trying to make your draft
it's not playing fair if
I take it there
I got game but
I not tryin to play them
but it slips out anyway
when it comes to how I
phrase what I say
especially when I'm writing it
so naw
not gonna write us to you
but tell you what I will do...

I'll be honest bout who I am
what I'm tryin to get out of this
and if you with it than give me your list
ain't nothing that I'm thinkin about
that needs to be written
cause it can't hold any weight
if I can't stand and look you in the eye
and say what I believe to be our fate
the world doesn't deserve to see
what we won't
so of the things I will do
I'll talk to you...
but show it to you first
is on the list of don't's

I won't take you where I want you to be
rather you take me

I am
a woman that would rather
be loved for what she's not
than to be adored for what she is
because I think that
I only appear in some lights
because of the way the sun catches
the cracks and bounces back
jading the perception of me
and making it appear as if I shine brighter
than I really do

I am
everything I ever read
about these 2 fish and feel like
they might each have a twin
and you've no idea the struggle
to try and keep them both from sin
when they never headed the same way
and I do this all day
again and again

I am
not broken but certainly changed
from who I was as what I was ceased to be
there are still of course
pieces of myself still left in tact
guess their just harder to see
so I tend to not come across clearly
in matters of the heart
like I do when speaking politically

I am
brokenhearted
and following faith into the future
awaiting what is to come
with some hope for it being happy
it just hasn't yet
and still I have very few regrets

I am
a walking contradiction
and a series of moments
that surf on all extremes
an experience to be had
unable to be caught but
can be stilled
if one knows how's to go
with the flow

I am
all of these things
and others that I didn't say
topped with what I have still
to learn even
and I
am
trying to introduce myself
to you

I need
you to love me
flaws and all
and then some
cause every now and then
than some more may come
but not stay long
I just get carried away
at times
when really mean to say
I apologize for
the part I played in this
do I act on "fuck you"
really not meaning the things
that I can prone to do
so I sketch in brokn English
little portraits of
what I envision of our future
as if you were still here
and just waiting to see it clear
I'd only think I couldn't find you nowhere
only to find that you were always there
and if I was going than you had
double checked everywhere
just in case I caught your stare
in the glare
of looking again for love to find me
anywhere

I need to
reach and you be there
to listen to your breaths
and hope to get some rest
but even if I don't than
the world is much warmer
after having spent the night
laying on your chest
you make me want to give my best
to this and all other to come tests

you be more than
just another conquest...

I need to need you too
I need to be what you want for you
I need to say sorry and mean it
I need to have a reason again to stop my bullshit
I need to be the better part of you
I need to show that I'm here for whatever
you wanna do
I need to
I really, really, need to this
so ask me again

what my policy is
on what happens if
chocolate people kiss

I need one more chance
at what I missed...

I realize
that what I've shown
leaves much to be desired
and for the position I aspire
much is required
it's just that I get caught up
trying to keep them
from being under my spell
so when you were able to
look past me a few times
yet still smile
than it looked like
it was going well...

that way if I got scared
you'd not be shaken
and stable still is the grounding
of we - that be
all that consumes the
thoughts of me
almost hard to breathe
feeling like I'm in a museum of glass
afraid to say too much to you
for fear of sounding crass
worried bout tarnishing that spirit
of yours that shines like brass
thinking even sometimes
a man like you -
is out of my class

still I got nothing
but well wishes for what you want
even if the sound of your voice
playing background to the song I sang all day
finds a place from which to taunt
I can do anything so say you
so surely I can control that which haunts
who I would rather be

wondering when unattended
if with training I be what you want of me?
wondering more so what you see?
and if these well wishes and
prayers to end up in the arms of you
from some time soon to again and again
is in vain
simple and plain

need to know if
my exploring the areas of gray
are going to help you stay
so you can see how it's all black & white
in the shit that I believe
and the things that I say
unintentionally a walking, talking
contradiction like
night & day
in the same place
sitting the same way

cause
the latitude & longitude
of me laying long ways
cross the end of my bed
like the L's laid in front of me
leads right to the
lessons life taught you
living inside of me
waiting to love you
is you find me
beneath the sea
of what they want you to see
I think you could love
me for who I be

take deep breathes
and say fuck all the rest
when it comes down to what we have
being put to the test
tell me we got that
and you got that
all of this
and everything that comes with
Cat
making all the other kisses
sent disengenuious well wishes
meant to send you floating
away from this paradise
and it's two fishes

mutable be we
like the tides that guide
you and me
that's going to manifest
what is wished for by both parties
to that which can be called
nothing more than
destiny

Maybe one day
I'll stop swimming against the current
get wit what's current
and stop chasing down the serpent
as if I can really chop off it's head
and bring redemption to the
salvationless
show them what I know of His mercy

maybe one day
I'll stop putting my faith in love
and learn the lessons of trust
if I must - & life seems to be saying so
even when the people I trust
ain't the same as the people that I know
so who I love comes in pieces
poured out over endless pages
waiting for the birds that keep tune
to be let out from these cages

maybe one day
all the shit I think will
add up to all the shit I do
and when it came down to it
no longer did it leave a bad taste in your mouth
the difference between me and you
just barely palpable on the strength of the fact
that it's true
I'm not built like you

maybe one day
who I am, what I am, and everything in between
will come together in one scene
and you'll get a chance to see
everything I been breaking my back
to show you what I mean
and it ain't that I'm mean
I just see the actual atmosphere
beneath the clouded desires of your dreams
only able to be felt cause the passion's fire
is that intense that you are swallowing steam
but my eternity is here to catch you
when under it's weight you begin to lean

maybe one day
you'll see me for who I am
and not what they say I can
simple and plain the this woman
and still love her like you did
the image you made up as me
if ever again I can step away far enough
that your heart would ever let you see
who I am through who you want me to be
and the fact that in the ways that matter most
I always stayed where you could see

just so we could be.