I am
a woman that would rather
be loved for what she's not
than to be adored for what she is
because I think that
I only appear in some lights
because of the way the sun catches
the cracks and bounces back
jading the perception of me
and making it appear as if I shine brighter
than I really do

I am
everything I ever read
about these 2 fish and feel like
they might each have a twin
and you've no idea the struggle
to try and keep them both from sin
when they never headed the same way
and I do this all day
again and again

I am
not broken but certainly changed
from who I was as what I was ceased to be
there are still of course
pieces of myself still left in tact
guess their just harder to see
so I tend to not come across clearly
in matters of the heart
like I do when speaking politically

I am
brokenhearted
and following faith into the future
awaiting what is to come
with some hope for it being happy
it just hasn't yet
and still I have very few regrets

I am
a walking contradiction
and a series of moments
that surf on all extremes
an experience to be had
unable to be caught but
can be stilled
if one knows how's to go
with the flow

I am
all of these things
and others that I didn't say
topped with what I have still
to learn even
and I
am
trying to introduce myself
to you

I need
you to love me
flaws and all
and then some
cause every now and then
than some more may come
but not stay long
I just get carried away
at times
when really mean to say
I apologize for
the part I played in this
do I act on "fuck you"
really not meaning the things
that I can prone to do
so I sketch in brokn English
little portraits of
what I envision of our future
as if you were still here
and just waiting to see it clear
I'd only think I couldn't find you nowhere
only to find that you were always there
and if I was going than you had
double checked everywhere
just in case I caught your stare
in the glare
of looking again for love to find me
anywhere

I need to
reach and you be there
to listen to your breaths
and hope to get some rest
but even if I don't than
the world is much warmer
after having spent the night
laying on your chest
you make me want to give my best
to this and all other to come tests

you be more than
just another conquest...

I need to need you too
I need to be what you want for you
I need to say sorry and mean it
I need to have a reason again to stop my bullshit
I need to be the better part of you
I need to show that I'm here for whatever
you wanna do
I need to
I really, really, need to this
so ask me again

what my policy is
on what happens if
chocolate people kiss

I need one more chance
at what I missed...

I realize
that what I've shown
leaves much to be desired
and for the position I aspire
much is required
it's just that I get caught up
trying to keep them
from being under my spell
so when you were able to
look past me a few times
yet still smile
than it looked like
it was going well...

that way if I got scared
you'd not be shaken
and stable still is the grounding
of we - that be
all that consumes the
thoughts of me
almost hard to breathe
feeling like I'm in a museum of glass
afraid to say too much to you
for fear of sounding crass
worried bout tarnishing that spirit
of yours that shines like brass
thinking even sometimes
a man like you -
is out of my class

still I got nothing
but well wishes for what you want
even if the sound of your voice
playing background to the song I sang all day
finds a place from which to taunt
I can do anything so say you
so surely I can control that which haunts
who I would rather be

wondering when unattended
if with training I be what you want of me?
wondering more so what you see?
and if these well wishes and
prayers to end up in the arms of you
from some time soon to again and again
is in vain
simple and plain

need to know if
my exploring the areas of gray
are going to help you stay
so you can see how it's all black & white
in the shit that I believe
and the things that I say
unintentionally a walking, talking
contradiction like
night & day
in the same place
sitting the same way

cause
the latitude & longitude
of me laying long ways
cross the end of my bed
like the L's laid in front of me
leads right to the
lessons life taught you
living inside of me
waiting to love you
is you find me
beneath the sea
of what they want you to see
I think you could love
me for who I be

take deep breathes
and say fuck all the rest
when it comes down to what we have
being put to the test
tell me we got that
and you got that
all of this
and everything that comes with
Cat
making all the other kisses
sent disengenuious well wishes
meant to send you floating
away from this paradise
and it's two fishes

mutable be we
like the tides that guide
you and me
that's going to manifest
what is wished for by both parties
to that which can be called
nothing more than
destiny