If ever I knew
what it was like
to have a single
thought at a time
than it must have been
when I was a child
and I don't recall

instead

I know nothing but days
of my brain and my heart
never being
on the same page
or any train of thought
headed the same way
at the same time
being this embattled within
ought to be a crime

but

even in the lack
of moments of solace
am I able still
to find peace
in brief moments
in this place
the battlefield
of my mind
leaving bread crumbs
to where we came from
in every line

always

will I be at war
does it seem
with the woman I am
and the woman about whom
I continuously dream
she that never angers
is enticed by danger
or gets fascinated
with strangers

but

she too be me
and who I let you see
is the rough draft
of a work in progress
hoping with every good deed
are my sins counted less
against me
cause I know He know
who I could have
turned out to be

she

revels in the asshole
could care less what you think
and wish you would
make the mistake
to share a thought
that wasn't asked for
so she could
flood the doors
of the walls we built
when we said "no more"

she

means well
but too often has caused pain
so to keep from happening again
says everything she means
straight no chaser
and accepts why then
them straight shots
can be cause
to erase her
for your world

but this girl

learns no lessons
the easy way
on any day
and challenges
the status quo
early, often & always
just so you know

please

if you are considering
at all an army to join
be it the one that fights
into the night
for my sanity
and sustainable peace
or lay down your weapon
and just cease

I (me, she, her too)

won't fight you
over and over
again and again
cause I'm already tired
after the daily battle
of the war
within

Pardon me
might I have a moment?
Mr. Aloof
to bring light
to that which
you seem
unable to see?
I ain't knockin that
you dig her
and you dig me
thing is though
I know who I be
and she
(me)
ain't a sideline
wait while you figure it out
type chic
no matter how
bright the future that could be
might be in what I see
so if truly
you see not where
the lack of lines drawn
are cause for
coloring outside
the lines of my time
at this stage in my life
but I ain't built
for nothing but being a wife -
anything less
leads to a lot of mess
that I don't need
I got enough stress
and it ain't in my nature
to press
I just refuse to digress
who I am is this woman
this life I offer
isn't the only one
that you could have
but is if you want it with me
and time is running out
for you to be evaluating
and see
this is my page
either stand beside me
on this stage
or exit to the right
thank you
cause I've done
all that I can do
standing firm on
will give no more
until I begin to get
some reciprocation
in return
for my dedication
to this that is
our time
what you up to
ain't a crime
just has no scheme
that fits the rhythm
of my rhyme
so...what will it be?
you either gonna get it right
or you gonna be excused
from the company of me
would say sorry
but that's the way
these things be
there be no gray areas
to navigate in this
and if I have to let you go
trust - you will be missed
while preserved
in the memory of our last kiss
however long ago it shall
turn out to be
but baby
I don't ride benches
waiting to get in games
I start or I trade teams
perhaps -
you should ask a friend
about me?

We spoke the King's English
to talk to everyone but
each other
instead we...

we apologized
in little blue boxes
over breakfast
cutting silence like glass
with diamonds that sparkle
and make me look like
we are perfect

putting on heirs
of the emotional kind
like we even knew what
whole
looked like...

tears shed only
in the mist
of Oscar worthy performance
blow ups where no one can see
do we hug
cry together
and never for too long
so not to smudge the make-up
do we embrace

not us
we speak, live, breathe
wasp
buzzing around busy
as if anything
were more important
than the other
so not to have to
feel for the other
on our sleeves -
might stain
pain

no
no
no

rather we
send texts and emails
about love
and never say so
assuming is easier
that the last trip to
Saks said so
in case the silence
cut by the swiping
of limitless plastic
got lost in translation

this is who we are

we shop for the finest shoes,
clothes, jewels, and appliances
without a word to the wise spoken
they come in cards...

this is who we are

we drink together and
sit watching to see
who swallowed their troubles
first
but dare not up chuck
accidently
and say what's being
pushed back down
deep within...

this is who we are

we play Scrabble
only to prove
we know the words
we never say
more than just well

this is who we are

always ready to sting
never ready to settle
the only sound
the hissing of furiously fluttering
wings while we
walk around this house
wasping
until the time is up
on this visit

until
it's time
to do it all
again